Losing count – around Day 90

At the moment I feel a bit beaten with knowledge of awful practice/terrible processes in the broader ‘learning disability’ world and the implications of these for people (in social, economic and health terms). Aside from research evidence, I know a lot of young (and older people) whose lives are, at best, less than adequately supported or enabled. A Facebook transition parents forum (I largely lurk on, sorry) consistently details examples of poor support, battles and misery. For example, from three days ago;

Nothing gets easier. R is suposed to be leaving school officially end of June but we have no agreed care in place (not my fault). One of the day care places (2 days a week) is having major alterations and have said they cant take him until 15 august and the other day care choice (2 days a week) doesn’t start until 31 July, so I am going to be left looking after R once he has left school on 18 July. Whilst trying to work and also caring for my mum. Jolly hockey sticks!!! They all know R is leaving school,have known for years so why people cant get their bloomin acts together and sort it for him I don’t know. Plus I have to find some part time employees to help with the other day a week and transport to and from respite etc and the bloomin paperwork. I am positively frazzled. And if I hear the words you are no longer responsible for him any more I am going to spit!!!!!

I know I keep saying this, but support is shite or non-existent. Aspiration is a dirty word. Jargon laden processes work to effectively crush young people and parents’ hopes and expectations over time until the most basic/cheap and soul destroying ‘life outcome’ – unproblematic weekly burgers and extensive television viewing [by unproblematic I mean without upheaval or disruption in care provision/budgets] – become the default (or even sought after) position. The independently supported no-life. I’m calling it a life outcome rather than lifestyle because the latter implies some choice. And really, this isn’t about choice. An outcome of the burger/tv existence is, of course (these things ain’t rocket science), the health inequalities detailed in Emerson’s depressing read (and countless other reports).

We took LB for an Indian buffet again today. He was cheerful, very chatty (well largely to himself and, unfortunately, with the waiter*) and ate numerous plates of nosh. He bounced down the Cowley Road after to Honest Stationery and Tesco for some shopping. His good mood disappeared the split second he realised it was time to go back at the unit. (Though he managed not to punch himself in the face today).

He wants to come home. We want him to come home. But now we’ve had a break from the pre-unit experience of cobbling together after school cover – through daily shuffling of commitments and working late into the evening (and trying to ineffectually defuse anxiety) – we want effective support in place first. Not a big ask? Nope, you’d think not.

But what has also emerged loud and clear through the knowledge we’ve gleaned from various sources (most importantly experiential sources) is that not only is there a paucity of support options forget aspirations, silly, but once any form of ‘support’ is in place, possible alternatives disappear. One friend spent six years trying to move her daughter from an inappropriate supported living space, nearer to home.

I’m beginning to feel more human today after several disturbed nights this week. The Care Plan Approach meeting left me with a fear that LB would be dispatched to any available ‘room’ in any craphole provision by the social care/health machine. That he would “choose” to move to [fill in the location here] to live with his peers, eat burgers and watch tv. For the rest of his shortened through an unhealthily lived life. This fear, in some ways, works to make a ‘local’ version of this no-life infinitely more appealing.

I’m beginning to think that our experiences of learning to live with a vibrantly different child (in good and sometimes not so good ways), that originally sparked the writing of this blog, have been transformed by the sledgehammer experience of “transition”. The equivalent of some kind of crap horror/slasher low budget film that you can’t wait to switch off. If you have the choice.

*Unfortunately given his new 1970’s type sit’com’ type Indian accent in asking for his coke.

3 thoughts on “Losing count – around Day 90

  1. The year after Becky finished school was awful. No support, so I had to give up my business leaving us in financial peril and me physically and mentally exhausted. I’m still not working four years later. Hired help have been unreliable and not highly motivated. I sometimes feel that I bounce from crisis to crisis with no time for growth or change. It’s not quite that bad, but I do long for a couple of months where nothing breaks, staff show up on time and do their job, and Becky doesn’t have any medical problems. I don’t know the solution, but if there is one, you will find it. I’ll keep looking too.

  2. Pingback: The (blogging) mother blame | mydaftlife

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