A new year. At last. Although my lovely mate Gail, whose husband died suddenly a few weeks before LB, captured the whole new year conundrum brilliantly yesterday. I knew I’d be in pieces as 2013 drew to a close. Relieved to be shifting on to a new (and hopefully less harrowing) one but also beyond devastated to start the new year without LB. With the kids warned and low key (no) plans in place, I wallowed in home movies and old photos yesterday afternoon. Sorting through disc after disc of LB’s school photos. By 10pm I was in bed, listening to music, Sooty tears in full flow. I missed the midnight celebrations. Instead I wept. And wept. And wept a shedload more.
This morning I woke feeling strangely calm. Kind of peaceful. A bit odd but good. Maybe because I’d been able to park all the shite around what had happened – the rage, the intense disbelief and incomprehension, the horrible, horrible details/actions – and just think about LB.
Maybe because 2013 was finally over.
I know this reprieve from the pain, the loss and the process that accompanies something like this, will be short-lived. The (internally commissioned) external NHS investigation will be finished in the next couple of weeks. Another battering before inquest plans are made. But for now here’s to a patch of peace. And a new year. Hopefully a better one.
And here’s a blast of LB’s later school experience. Love him.
Good to hear there was a moment of peace for you this morning, thought about you (so much) last night and over the holidays. Super pictures, have taught a lot of cool dudes – he looks like one of the best – wish I had known him!! Love and virtual hugs xxx
Gorgeous pictures – loved the laps around the classroom and lying on the surf board especially. Leaving my son behind last New Year’s Eve was devastating (he died in July 2012). This year, it’s been melancholy but not utter agony. I feel as if I am carrying him with me into 2014. You deserve your patch of peace xx
Sending you love, calm and peacefulness for this new year x
Sending love to you all just had tears as i watched the video god bless him thinking of you all.Lb has been in my thoughts always i shall go and visit the cemetery tomorrow . love suexxx