An inhumane battering

I came across this letter sent to some disability activists by an Oxon County Council commissioner again today. Took my breath away. Again. A vicious and ill informed assault. Why?

I’ve been repeatedly vilified as LB’s mum. By senior (white, middle class) people who should not be working anywhere near health and social care. To save their own backs. Their salaries. Their status. Their fakery around their sense of who they are… In a sustained and nasty way.

Just one section of the commissioner’s letter:

OCC Commish letter

[Here’s one of the posts I wrote a week or so before LB died: Am I mainstream now, Mum?  [Howl]]

Have to say, if any OCC or Sloven staff member wants to suggest to my face that I was ‘reluctant to have LB back’ I’ll not be responsible for my actions. I loved that boy more than life itself. We all did. And always will. He was the family rule breaker. The comedian. The gentle and funny guide to different ways of living and being, with a wisdom we didn’t always recognise.

He was a fucking school boy…

Can you begin to imagine what it must be like to read the above extract? From a letter leaked to you a year or so after it’s written and circulated to who? To know you are being bad mouthed in all sorts of NHS/social care circles because some jumped up Trust, whose eyes were bigger than their bellies, were able to feed off a weak Oxon joint commissioning set up. Take over the Ridgeway. Leave it to fester…And your child drowns alone, locked in a bathroom, as an outcome?

Don’t you ever suggest I was reluctant to have LB back. If you do, have the guts to say it to me. Not circulate it in sneaky, sordid communications among NHS/LA corridors and wider. And to anyone who receives such tripe in their everyday work…. You can always call it out, you know. Shake off the stupidity, malaise and laziness and recognise/acknowledge that families aren’t the beasts they are painted to be.

As Tom, 16, said;  “When a mother tells you she’s sure her son’s had a seizure, he has.”

You stupid, self serving, arrogant, barbaric fuckers.

 

 

 

15 thoughts on “An inhumane battering

  1. Disgusted on your behalf. It taps into my own experiences of being unheard and misrepresented by certain professionals, while trying to get the best future possible for my son, while admitting I couldn’t cope with him at home as things stood. It’s a powerless place to be. They must know they are lying, surely?

  2. Inhumanity at its worst Sara…….and no matter how we try to ignore it inhumanity floors you (which of course is their intention! Self serving too at its very worst!! You clearly loved LB and NOTHING can take that away! Love lives on!

  3. Sara. Have it on good advice that these people in hospitals often sit in places after distraut, vulnerable families leave and then they discuss and analyse them. Have it on good advice that people who shag people on business time get jobs in power elsewhere in one place.
    Have it on good advice that people who are fed behind hatches and touched through them now thrived ok with the Psychiatrist that helped me turn lives around before ( no drugs, sympathy and humility, an amazing man)
    But you see I will be telling the stories about them, but these are true.
    So if you recognise yourself in any of the true stuff I’m about to spread well my stories will go much wider than the lies about Sara. And I’ve been finding out more and more.

  4. And all the Interim Chairman (imposed by NHS [Un] Improvement) could do today was to attempt to bully and intimidate the governors and public who challenged him. I was pleased that Sara did not attend the Bored Meeting today, it would have upset her even more.

  5. Sara those in authority in the “Care Trade” are much worse than the words you use. They are evil personified. In a power struggle to the death Thomas Rawnsley) they will see the mother as the weakest link because of her atttachment to her child, and seek to annihilate her. Sectioning is one of their weapons. Autism and learning disability only come under the MHA in order that the authorities can exercise this power. The Mental Capacity Act ensures that they have this power. Ive been in the Court of Protection since 2006, and sat there in the court room and listened to lie after lie after lie. I have no idea how to deal with it.

  6. aiming straight for your jugular at all times from the outset, nothing less than grotesque combat because you did not fall to your knees in silent torment and remain there unquestioningly. The commissioner’s letter offers up a version of events that I hope you can one day challenge in a court of law.

    • nic I have been trying to challenge decisions in the Courts since 2005. Of course they go for the jugular – see my reply to Sara.

  7. Disgraceful
    .I recall any action only happened after you involved OXFSN to attend a meeting on ?10/06, to try and get some support plan for Connor to be discharged, nothing was happening for him, he was not accessing community activities the way he did at school, mainly attending when a particular skilled support worker was around to engage him.
    All the information you gave them them about his volunteering oppurtunity, No Limits,nothing seemed to be happening.
    OXFSN approached the unit about making the meeting person centred, and this was agreed by unit, and so well organised by OXFSN, At the meeting we discovered they had a Person centred planner on site!
    I supported as a volunteer at that meeting as the the lead person from OXFSN’s husband had died and she understandably could not come, you were desperate to get some current action support plan and get a discahrge date, let alone future planning.
    The room was booked and prepared for a person centred approach, the Consultant and unit team went to the wrong room, The SCM and Connexions advisor managed to find correct room. When we eventually tracked unit staff down, the Consultant initially refused to move,despite us explaining the room was prepared for an arranged PCP approach to meeting, we had spent a lot of time setting up, we felt she reluctantly moved rooms.
    The aim and hope was that this would be a proactive meeting with actions and time frames, it was partly achieved by the skill of OXFSN, but it was not comfortable meeting.The Consultant set the feel of the meeting, she became very annoyed with the Charge nurse who challenged something she said,(the same consultant that said all staff were equal in the team at the inquest, when a trainee nurse said it was very difficult to speak out at meetings in STATT.).
    As the meeting was delayed , it was was called to an end by them due to time constraints.
    My recollection and observations of the way you were treated at the meeting leaves me cold even now, I had previously witnessed conversations you had about how Tom could not see visit the unit as he was too young to be allowed in, when you did arrange with them for Connor to spend some time with him at McDonald’s , out of the unit they did not turn up.All things at the time you accept apologies as your loved one is in their care and we all try hard to be positive and not rock the boat.
    You were so optimistic hopeful and grateful , initially believing that Connor would be assessed,when he had become so distressed that safety for all at home was an issue.Such a loving caring family, this situation is beyond scandalous.
    On my son’s admission to a SH unit last year the Consultant asked me why I was calling for an admission in the evening, our Community Consultant had advised her it may be on the cards,because of this response I tried to keep him at home overnight, and he settled but the next day things became very difficult and we ended up with an ambulance and a police escort,that had I received a better response the previus night may not have happened.
    5 days later when i saw the same consultant she asked me how long I wanted him in for this time, he had tried to get out of our moving the car on the bypass!, obviously evening work causes inconvenience, try walking in our shoes 24/7 caring for very distressed loved ones who you do not really want anywhere near a unit/hospital despite your own exhaustion unless you are all at risk.

    .
    .

  8. harrowing, unbelievable experiences above.. my blood boils with anger, how these so called professionals get away with murder, lies and more lies. My experience with an epilepsy nurse (Bevan) was cruel, as she lied for many years and scored points as a good nurse. As the last straw, she managed to defame my name, just to prove a point, that she was right. She has build her career on lies, damaging patients and their parents. My attempt to struck her from the Royal college of nursing did not succeed. Only now I know, that I did not have a chance!

  9. If only honesty was mandatory in social care, NHS and LA’s, we would not be (carers and cared for) living this nightmare.

    Caring for someone who is disturbed, frightened and behaving out of character is really exhausting. Physically and mentally exhausting. Being grateful when someone comes along and lifts that burden from you is the emotion that is uppermost at the time. However being grateful is not what you want to be feeling when the person you love is not receiving adequate care and is terribly unhappy. It becomes a situation where the carer is in terrible need for respite but feels utterly guilt ridden and sad if their loved one is not happy. Respite then for the carer is only physical respite and not mental or emotional respite.

    To be smeared by professionals in the way Sara has been is despicable. Such malicious judgmental gossip is cowardly. Sara had no way to defend that view of her and the way she has been written about. How dare anyone make statements like that which will be on file forever without Sara having the right to challenge that view of her. Unfair, unprofessional and disgusting.

    • Parents pain doesn’t come into it reason given “it’s all about the child/ young person” who is in the hands of professionals stranger danger. Parents are the role models and direct Co working is a must and person centred training in the right environment for that person is essential. Transparency and honest two way communication essential.

  10. The problem is that minutes are not written by an independent person for any meeting in my experience for 5 years.
    People might therefore say what they like and distort things or leave comments out.

    • Accurate Minute taking is a fine listening and interpretation skill – and minutes should not be edited. All meetings must be recorded as standard practice so editing and misinterpretation can be checked upon. Minutes are often a joke 😂 they are so often not accurate – sad thing is they can do so much damage if inaccurate information is believed

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