Being LB’s mum

Being LB’s mum. I wanted to write this before ‘being LB’s mum’ changes into something unrecognisable. Which I’m sure it will. Because it already is in some ways.

Being LB’s mum. What a maelstrom. What an identity. What a full on, brilliant, intense, raging, frustrating, hilarious, difficult, intense, relentless, remarkable, time eating, pointless, rich, extraordinary, despairing, delightful, fearful, life changing experience.

I hope the pages on this blog (pre-2013 entries) capture some of this.

I think about LB all the time. Pretty much every waking moment. These thoughts jumble around in, as yet, uncategorised, spaces. I hope, as time passes, I might be able to tag them a bit and park em in a bit more of a coherent order. Maybe. Maybe I won’t.

Maybe the breathtaking pain will continue. Maybe it will become something different. No sign of that yet. But maybe. Maybe it will reduce.

At the moment, I just miss LB. My head spins out of control trying to understand why he’s dead.

2 thoughts on “Being LB’s mum

  1. Please help me. I am neither manic or depressed. I have first been put on a section 2 just after I had filled my P.I.P. form in .
    The section 2 was on the 13th July 2018.
    Now last night I was told I am on a section 3 which is 6 months and the staff can force any medication they like on me.

    My mental health has not deteriorated but they are trying to get me to take anti psychotic.
    I am 52 years old and I haven’t been detained for 10 years.

    I don’t feel manic or depressed.

    I just want to go home.

    My new telephone number is 07539 185 656

    The solicitor who is going to try to fight my Section 3 is Ged Roberts based at Peter Edwards Law in Hoylake. – 0151 – 632 – 6699

    I have 3 more sessions of psychotherapy which I want to complete (CAT ‘ Cognitive Analytic Therapy)
    Also I this year was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis for which I am receiving occupational and physio etc.

    My arthritis feels worse and I am not allowed to go swimming whilst I am resident here on this section (2 then 3).

    They are trying to say my illness will deteriorate unless I take the medication they want me to take.

    I have stage 3 kidney disease and I was bleeding from my throat because anti psychotic drugs were damaging my digestive system.

    I just want to go home where it is peaceful.

    My long term plan is to move away so that I can have a more peaceful life and maybe have more time to write about things which interest me or continue my hobby of photography.
    I also want to move away to be out of the durastiction of Merseycare NHS Trust and Liverpool City Council.

    I am at Windsor House in Liverpool a mental health detention facility.

    Windsor House
    40 Upper Parliament Street
    L8 7LF

    The secretary at Peter Edwards Law is

    Merseycare Pals on 0151 -471-2377 have been some support particularly Gary Crosbie who helped me to get secondary psychotherapy.

    I am so afraid. I cannot even bare to be here another 2 weeks.

    Please help me if you can.

    I am now a paid up member of the Labour Party.

    I believe I will need to leave Liverpool and Merseyside at some point very soon to escape the persecution I feel I am now experiencing.

    There are truly sick people who require a psychiatric bed and I am taking up that space.

    I have no husband or partner or anyone to take on the responsibility of helping me to Leave hospital care.

    I live on my own.

    My 26 year old son Chris lives in Liverpool too with his fiancee but we haven’t had much contact lately.

    Apart from my rheumatoid arthritis my mental health has improved immensely and I can sleep without medication. I have not felt depressed or pulled out my hair since stopping Quetiapine which also made me physically ill.

    Please help me.

    I do not wish to take anti psychotic or mood stabilizers because my kidneys are at CKD3. (Stage 3 kidney disease).

    I need so much help to get me out of here.

    I believe my detention and them trying to force medication on me is against the law.

    I just Want to go home.

    Lynne Jones

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