Tom’s off to Sheffield University today.

The tears started in a supermarket aisle a week or so ago. I’ve been kind of distracted by the timing of the #leder non-response published this week. Pre-publication leakages, conversations and ever present rage. ‘Campaign’ shite as ever bleeding into and polluting key moments. Life moments…

Weetabix

Seven year ago (seven years…) when Rosie went to university I was in pieces. I was a wreck. Blissfully unaware how deep ‘in pieces’ can go.

Will and Owen went under the wire almost, getting degrees with/despite a backdrop of the inquest, other hearings and so much more.

The supermarket thing was around buying cereal. I went to get the bulk pack of 72 Weetabix. Tom’s been a regular daily sixer for years…

‘We don’t need a big pack’, said Rich. ‘Tom’s going to Sheffield on Sunday’.

Nought to 10 on the Sooty tear front.

Eh? How? When? What?

The aisle dissolved.

Years ago Tom said he’d like to live in a house in which the cereal didn’t fall off the fridge when it was opened.

How did we leapfrog from falling cereal boxes to death, bereavement and a massive fuck you fight? Getting to an empty home without the tumbling, bumbling, brilliant bunch of pups who have taught us so much about life, love, decency? Where did the years go?

I miss LB so much it’s sometimes like a kind of careening thing that ricochets (is this a word?) off discordant surfaces and dazzles and blisters an unbearable raw pain. Other times I hold him so fucking tight in my heart I feel the warmth, power and love of an elephant march that brushes aside the relentlessly offensive and grotesque actions of those who should know better (and I suspect do).

Sheffield

Will, Owen and Owen’s partner Catherine pitched up unexpectedly yesterday. They all rock ‘siblingstuff’ in a beautifully understated and full on love way.

Footy watching, Fortnight playing, nosh and banter. I cooked, crocheted and cried.

We’ve landed an ’empty nest’ card we never expected or anticipated. And a set of grown up kids who I love off the planet.

Tom, have a brilliant, extraordinary time at Sheffield.

❤️