1000 days

As we get to towards the end of the third year since LB died my rage is reaching levels I had no idea existed. Probably in direct proportion to the mountain of shite that continues to unfold at Sloven towers. Despite enough evidence to sink the Harmony there is still no action.

Sloven, and everyone else who should have acted and hasn’t, has now stolen a further thousand days of our lives. 1000 days… during which we’ve been unable remember LB properly.

I hate the word grieve. I don’t want to ‘grieve LB’. And I’ve a serious dislike of ‘models of grief’.  I want to think about LB. I want the space to remember, in intricate detail, everything about him. His love, laughter, being, touch and smell. His sense of humour. His astonishing, duck like hair. His happiness, thoughts and reflections. His dislike of Simon Mayo and love of all things human rights. But I can’t.

I’m enraged that, like so many others, the remaining pieces of our hearts, those pieces that somehow hang in there despite the harrowing and incomprehensible death of our dude, are battered beyond recognition by state actions and non actions.

Inexcusable. And barbaric.

1000 days… And no end in sight.



11 thoughts on “1000 days

  1. I definitely feel your pain and I echo all your feelings. I hope talking about LB is helping to remember some of the feelings…..But you’re so right we are being denied the opportunity to remember our children! How dare they not care for them properly……we did!!
    Sensing (((hugs))) Keep battling Sara……so many are behind you xxx

  2. A lovely blog. It’s the way we cope. For me its 2750 days since my son Nick left us because of the choices given him by his Solihull B&W GP and Birmingham and Solihull Mental Health Trust. Neither have been honest and the PHSO has only recently (7 years in delay; 12 years from the first medical offence) been able to scold them for a maladministration, but couldn’t allow themselves to consider the medical effects of it on my son, or make the link to practitioners’ negligence in both services. Do they care about stretching out peoples’ torment? Learning? The cost of further lives, to save face? Not a jot. Come on! this is about keeping staff in jobs; so put off the exposures and keep up the false defence.

    • Aaah! the PHSO, and it doesn’t even make me raise an eyebrow in disbelief. My story also involves a CMHT and their lack of ‘proper care and treatment’. What they do to people is actually quite sick. They peddle their PHSO ‘press releases’ like they give a damn, and the poor unsuspecting public go on believing in the good old British Establishment, they go to sleep feeling safe. We, the initiated, know different, it’s a very difficult club to be in, but that is where we are and we must all join hands, no matter our differences ( which is what the establishment relies on). We will come together, and stay together, our justices rely on this.

  3. It is barbaric.

    So many? How many ?

    How many silent stilled abuses, neglects and deaths, how many?

    How many families ignored ?
    How many families begging to be heard?
    How many families heard too late?

    How many life wasting meetings?
    How many lost happy days ?

    How many, ‘ lessons (not?) learned ….. go away’ …….letters?

    How many broken hearts and broken lives?

    So many ……how many……?

  4. I will say having read so many of your blogs that the wonderfulness of your boy truly shines through all the shite. I honestly feel like I know him and my goodness I wish I had the pleasure of meeting him. I’m so sorry this has taken so much from you. I am still dealing with a tortuous complaint with sloven. 1 year 2 months and counting. Basically all of my younger sons life. On dark days I hate that I’ve been so sad in that time because of the awfulness. But I have to fight the fight to the end. Hold on to your memories, they are still there and coming through. Xxx

  5. Pingback: 1000 days | danutag57

  6. survival instincts lead most or many to quit the complaint/investigation process, actions and non actions are without doubt barbaric. If you are able, if enough fragments remain of both mental and physical health then a legal challenge is a necessity. The earlier death by drowning in the same bath cannot pass as an historic event unconnected to your own loss. What was the significance of malnutrition as a contributory factor? Was the person’s medication having an adverse effect on their ability to absorb essential nutrients ? Should they have been hoisted into the bath ? someone holds the answers. I have respect for healthcare workers/professionals and have family members past and present working within the NHS but unexpected/unexplained death can never be an acceptable outcome. I have witnessed in the last twelve months a mentally ill person going without essential B12 injections for over six months , dig deep Sara if you are able .

  7. I feel your exhaustion. My husband didn’t die, but he was left significantly brain damaged at the age of 52, (now 57). So much evidence and so little used and we fight on, and it takes over every waking moment, because we are activists, because we cannot let an injustice die. Compensation is what they’re after they shout! not, nor ever was or shall be, key. The longer they fight us the bigger the lie grows, and eventually the truth bursts. But an injustice rectified too late becomes another injustice of sorts. We are with you, we don’t know you, but we are there.

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