‘Incarceration’ on a sunny day

Posted on April 23, 2013 by sarasiobhan

I’ve been trying (and failing) to make some sense of this experience. It’s too enormous. And on a sunny day like today, ‘incarceration’ is all the more painful. Of course LB isn’t ‘incarcerated’, he’s an informal patient who, in theory, can move around as he chooses. In practice, this isn’t really the case. (Although spending the day in his room watching Eddie Stobart DVDs is probably something he’d choose to do).

I was kind of delighted to read on twitter, this morning, that one of the priorities of the Care Quality Commission (CQC) is to strengthen its focus on mental health, mental capacity and learning disability. That delight was almost instantly quashed by the ‘Yeah. What. Effer’ demons. The past 16 or so years since LB was diagnosed with ________________ [fill in the current label/s depending on the year/decade/century/version of the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). Use an extra page if necessary], nothing has really changed. The kind of things we (a group of parents of young children) tried to change in health and social care all those years ago, are being fought by a new group of parents of young children. Having just emailed LB’s care manager this evening to ask her to stop any more direct payments (DP) and take back what’s been paid into the DP bank account (above the surplus that has already been demanded back by the DP team), in order to avoid paying a fair charge for no support ~~at all~~, makes me wonder if things have almost got worse in some ways.

It’s a tricky one really. The extreme situation we’ve experienced over the past few months has pushed us into some horrible spaces. The almost daily developments – good, bad and indifferent – in the various areas that revolve around being the mother of a learning disabled young man informally living at a mental health unit, are time consuming, sometimes baffling and emotional exhausting.

I’ve read, researched, written about and lived the experience of mothering a learning disabled child. This adult stuff is a whole new ballgame. One we’ve barely had a chance to absorb and think about clearly. In the same way there was never any (useful) guidance, support or advice about having a disabled child, there has been no useful guidance, support or advice about having a learning disabled adult son with mental health issues (I don’t like this phrase but dunno what’s an acceptable alternative).

This has been hard. But hey ho. The sun was shining today. There’s good stuff going on. Charlie’s Angels are fighting the fight. Rich and I are both blown away by the support and warm wishes consistently offered by family, friends, neighbours, colleagues and all sorts of other people. ~~Some guy raved about my grey hair at the bus stop this evening. And Chunky Stan’s eye pressure in his remaining eye is pretty much back to normal.~~

And we’ve arranged to meet LB in Burger King tomorrow evening with Tom. They’ve not seen each other for five weeks. Funny times.

The Unit. Day 28

Posted on April 16, 2013 by sarasiobhan

Sleepless night, worrying about the end of Section 2. Then a last minute meeting at the unit this morning with LB’s head teacher, teacher, Vicki (a Charlie’s Angel), and unit team members to discuss his return to school. Bit of a rocky start to school return yesterday. He was taken to the primary site (as far as we can tell) and refused to get out of the car. “I’m confused”, he said.

Team LB Ed were impressive throughout the meeting. I was bemused by the vigorous writing down of the descriptions they provided of LB’s decline into “CRISIS” (beginning to seriously hate this term) when I’d already told so many professionals about this, but hey ho. Engagement at any level is engagement. It was also a reminder of how dire things had got.

The gap between education and health was palpable but also manageable with flexibility and a shared concern for LB. Plans were made for him to be supported to return to Trax and the farm with unit staff accompanying him. Sensible, informed engagement. Good. The ending of Section 2 was discussed. This would be discharged (?) today with an anticipation that he would agree to stay as an informal patient. If he wanted to come home, the mental capacity team would be called in. A further section unlikely because he’s currently a chill pill.

‘Er, can we be told whether he’s an informal patient or issued (?) with a DoLS (deprivation of liberty safeguard)?’ Oh yes. Action point; keep parents informed. ~~No words~~.

The meeting finished with a new Team LB Ed/Health (Yowsers) and a general love-in about how much better LB had become over the last month. It was genuinely heartwarming and sealed with a cheeky smile from LB when we left. “Tsk”, I said to head teacher, as she had a weep outside the unit, “The crying days are over, we’re moving on to better places”.

Later that afternoon I got a call from the unit. LB wanted to know if I was going to visit tomorrow. “Eh???? Really??? Yes of course I will. I can come now if he wants?” I hadn’t arranged to visit this afternoon because I saw him before and after the meeting this morning. After a quick check I was told, yes, LB wanted me to visit today.

Five minutes later I was driving in the sunshine, humming to the radio, loving ~~stupidly~~ the fact that LB was actually asking to see me.

As soon as I saw him I kind of recognised but ignored the signs. I gave him the photos of the forensic police investigating Rosie’s break-in. “YOU LIAR!!!“, he shouted, raging. And, instantly, we were back to four weeks ago.

I don’t know what’s happened since I left him there, around 6pm. I rang later and was told he was still very, very agitated. I read into that; possible restraint? Medication? Harm to staff? Almost definitely no Trax tomorrow if medicated? A Section 3???? I don’t know.

And LB in deep, deep distress.

Now, I don’t know, they don’t know and maybe (as often is the case) we’ll never know, why he got so distressed so suddenly. I’m sure it’s to do with the fact they had to inform him of his rights and the ‘discharge’? of the section. It’s the only thing that’s changed between this morning’s chill bear dude and this afternoon. I don’t know what was said to him about this discharge from section? (Is it a set statement that’s read out, or a more measured interpretation that he might understand?) I think he thought he was coming home when I turned up tonight. What else could account for him asking if I was going to visit, and his immediate distress when I did.

He can’t possibly understand the complexities of the Mental Capacity Act or the Mental Health Act (as is the case for a lot of people including me). To expose him to either in a “thinking” capacity is cruel and unnecessary. Especially as he doesn’t really have a choice about staying or leaving. The system is seriously flawed.

28 days later.

Whose best interest?

Posted on April 14, 2013 by sarasiobhan

Coasting at the moment on the delight of having LB back to his old self. We really did descend into a hideous space over the past few months and, in the maelstrom that created, lost sight of the funny old dude he always was. I love the unit. (Rich keeps pulling me up on this. He says my bar is set so low, in terms of expectations of support, that I’m calling something good, brilliant. Ha! In some respects I don’t care. It’s fucking brilliant in my book. And I love it).

What I can’t quite get my head around, is this adult rights stuff. LB may, or may not be returning to school tomorrow. We don’t know. We don’t need to know (arguably). He’s an adult. His section 2 finishes on Tuesday. This was discussed at the team meeting last Monday; mental health, mental capacity and his right to choose to come home. We’ve openly said, and said to LB, that we think he’ll benefit from staying longer in the unit. He’s a bit hesitant on this, but not dismissing the idea. There seemed to be some agreement on this at the meeting. When he was admitted he “wasn’t right” (to quote someone whose known him a long time). In the last month, he’s been removed from any stress (other than being somewhere he didn’t want to be at the beginning) and hung out in an environment that’s comfortable, warm, clean, friendly, with good food, constant attention (or space to withdraw from attention) from people who seem genuinely caring and thoughtful. With family and friends close enough to visit on a daily basis. The contrast between everyday life and this unit are huge. The return to school, while staying at the unit, is a way of assessing how he manages life outside that space and, hopefully, offering him help with dealing with the bits of life he finds hard.

So, Tuesday. As far as I understand it, it’s unlikely he’ll be sectioned again (way too much of a chill bear for that now), and there is some hope he’ll voluntarily choose to stay in the unit for a bit longer. But when read his rights, and it’s made clear to him that he’s no longer detained, he may decide he wants to come home. The only way then to keep him in the unit is if a team (made up of all sorts of people including a family member as far as I can tell, though we’ve not heard anything further) decide he doesn’t have the capacity to make this particular decision and it’s in his best interests to assign? apply? smack him with? a deprivation of liberty safeguard (DoLS). [Sorry, I’m woefully unsure of the language/way in which these things are articulated]. When I think back to a train journey home from a disability studies conference last Autumn with a colleague who was leading a study on DoLS and trying to explain to me what they were, I’m reminded of the speed at which LB deteriorated.

I’ve absorbed the gist of DoLS through this leaflet produced by the Department of Health easy read information. Not an easy read emotionally. I’ve been worrying about Tuesday. At many levels. From the enormous – wishing/willing your child to be deprived of his/her liberty is pretty horrendous – to the basic practicalities; would we get a call to come and collect him by 7pm at the latest (I dreamt this situation the other night)? And if yes, what would happen if he started to deteriorate again?

Then, at a meeting on Friday about our experiences of the last couple of months, a health/social care manager said in passing that the community team would have been in touch to start discussions around LB’s care plan for his return home. Eh? Wha? The ‘community team’? What’s that? The Care Manager? Someone else? These questions underline how crap adult services are. Or how I shouldn’t expect to work full time, as the mother of a learning disabled young person and, instead, take the time to fully investigate these mysteries.

But nah. No one’s been in touch about that (community team or anyone else ‘official’). Leaving the meeting, I gradually felt a sense of release. Not relief. We’re not going to have LB home without a proper care plan in place. We’re not going back to that place. We want him to come home. Can’t wait for him to come home with effective support in place. Support that’s supportive. And I don’t think that’s going to be sorted out for 7pm, Tuesday evening.

Knitting solutions and sense-making

Posted on April 1, 2013 by sarasiobhan

It’s funny really. You have a (learning) disabled child, the world kind of falls apart and then falls back together, bit by bit. There are unexpected highs, deep lows, challenging times and a backdrop of relentless meetings with professionals. These meetings are sort of necessary (because what else have you got without any reference points?) but pointless because there is a lack of real understanding or engagement with either your child, or your lives as a family. We eventually shook down, accepted LB’s difference and began to notice his humour, quirkiness and qualities such as generosity, lack of guile, artifice and his honesty. We treated the meetings with gritted teeth. And got on with life.

Then came the recent inpatient assessment and subsequent sectioning. I was tipped into mum redundancy (MR). Suddenly and without warning. The warnings for the impending hospitalisation were flashing brightly since Christmas, that was only really a matter of time (though it could have been circumvented with effective action). The warnings for MR were completely buried.

Call me old fashioned, but it strikes me if you have (not in an ownership way) children, you don’t really stop being their parent. I still tell Rosie what to do. She doesn’t always do it, but I feel I should provide some steer. My mum is still my mum. These are lifelong positions, that shift and change, but (commonly) remain centred on love, responsibility, reciprocity and a gut-wrenching desire for your child/ren to have the happiest, most fulfilling lives, possible. (I realise that this isn’t always the case).

This is confounded when the child is learning disabled and reaches that (constructed) age of adulthood. Necessary changes to the way in which learning disabled people’s lives have been conceptualised and understood, a shift from institution to community living, and the accompanying political call for self advocacy, autonomy and empowerment, has led to a focus on rights. I support this move completely. Learning disabled people, like anyone else, have the right to make decisions and be encouraged to have aspirations and the opportunity to lead fulfilled lives.

At the moment, LB has the right to decide whether he sees us or share his health information with us. The implications of these rights are substantial. The problem for me is, an emphasis on his rights can be misunderstood, misinterpreted, misused or treated as something discrete, outside of the broader family context. I believe, barring some thunderbolt shift in health and social care provision, that LB’s potential to lead a fulfilling and happy life will necessarily involve his family. For us to be sidelined at this point will have a potentially catastrophic effect on his life chances.

‘Eh? What’s that?’
‘He could have an advocate. S/he would look after his best interests.’
‘He turned down the opportunity to have an advocate. He doesn’t know what they are.’
‘With clear explanation, he can decide to have an advocate. He’ll be offered one again in ten days time, by the terms of his section.’
‘That’s great. But they won’t know him. Surely that’s important?’

Does our experience of LB’s family count for nothing?? Should an advocate be a substitute for that understanding, or instead complement it and work with families?

Once again we’re left without any guidance. It’s like being back at those early days when we knew there was something different about LB but given no guidance about what that meant, for him and for us. We’ve re-fallen into an unexpected space in which he is treated as a consenting and competent adult. A space which is so incongruent and so alien to our experiences of the past 18 years. Maybe it’s a good thing in theory. Maybe LB is at a stage in his life to shake off the confines of his family and do what he wants to do, without dishwasher duties or an expectation that he will join in social obligations. I don’t think so.

I keep returning to how this idealistic position ignores the current political climate and contraction of support and services for learning disabled people. As a redundant mum, I can use the hours I spent advocating for him (unacknowledged and unrecognised by services) doing something else. Like developing my beginner crochet skills,

Or maybe my/our expertise could be recognised and used to help LB in partnership with those who now (supposedly) help him realise his rights.

The Unit. Day 12

Posted on March 31, 2013 by sarasiobhan

After a visit on Friday in which LB was bright, engaged and active, the weekend has been about sedation. How much and how often, we have no idea. We can only go on what we see when we visit. Yesterday, drowsy, laying in bed, looking lost, LB asked when he was coming home. And said little else. Today he didn’t say anything. He lay in bed, blinking and looking blank.

Incarceration, a lack of professional attention because of the ‘holiday weekend’, and a continuing information black-out for his family. I’m not sure how we’ll respond when we next get told about his ‘rights’.

This ain’t right.

Definitely not laughing boy

Posted on March 18, 2013 by sarasiobhan

LB is upstairs, muttering and smacking his legs, shouting out and watching scrap metal videos on youtube. We had a burst of sunshine this afternoon when he came down for a piece of coffee cake and chuckled about how good it was. Funny how tiny snatches of what was can be so powerful. I went up to see him a short while later but he was talking a bizarre type of gibberish and looked at me with hatred. He muttered about how Sara had been killed. “Ok, matey, I’ll be downstairs if you need anything”, I said,” [fake] cheerfully.

We are occupying this strange, exhausting, stressful space at the moment. He’s threatened Rich but remains OK with Tom and Owen. We have the medication to knock him out if necessary, though where the line is drawn between deciding he needs medicating before it’s too late to get him to take it isn’t clear. We are piecing together strategies; not say no to him outright, prepare him carefully for any expectation he will do something, listening constantly for any shift in tone or intensity, mentioning any past special interest (Mighty Boosh, Irish lorries, cross channel ferries) to try to snap him, even fleetingly, into the coffee cake mood.

Today I chased up social care. Yes, despite the set of exchanges on Friday afternoon with the learning disability team, I had to contact them. The duty Care Manager seemed active and concerned which is great. He put me in touch with someone from Southern Health Outreach (based at Saxon House, the building with the snooker table). I rang them and have an appointment for April 3rd. Seventeen long days away. The psychiatrist rang straight after. She suggested we meet or have a telephone consultation soon. Er, right now would be good, I said. She found her notes, listened to me (without really listening) and suggested doubling his anti-depressant. We are meeting her in a week to see if this has helped. The psychologist was already booked in to meet us on Thursday. That is ~~no support~~ our support right now.

I’m writing these miserable posts because I think that we shouldn’t (not we as in our family but we as in every family with a dude like LB) be in this position. It screams to me that support and services are woefully inadequate and structured in a way that ultimately cause harm rather than good. LB’s following in almost identical footprints to a classmate, a situation I never dreamed of six months ago.

Now I ain’t a psychologist, or a psychiatrist, but I think LB probably wanted a mate, a girlfriend and a slightly different structure to his life. And now he’s retreating into some hideous fantasy type world that has got trouble written all over it. Doubling anti-depressants and organising late in the day, middle aged carers isn’t going to do an awful lot. But hopefully I’m wrong.

Comic relief day. No.

Posted on March 15, 2013 by sarasiobhan

LB punched one of his teaching assistants* in the face this morning.

Horror.

I rang the emergency number on his Care Manager’s ‘out of office’ email and was told someone would ring back. The guy called back ten minutes later and suggested a referral to the learning disability team nurse who specialised in challenging behaviour.

“Ok, how long will that take?”
“Well I’ll put the referral through next week and she’ll get in touch when she gets it. I’m not sure how soon she’ll be able to come and see him though.”
“Eh?? Have you listened to what I’ve said?????”
“Er, sorry?”
“What are we supposed to do in the meantime, if he turns on someone else?????”
“Well, I could make it an urgent referral I suppose… Ok. I’ll put it through as urgent then. And there is a psychiatrist too. I don’t know if….”
“She.discharged.him.last.week.”
“Well I could try ringing her this afternoon.”

Thirty minutes later he rang back.

The psychiatrist had gone home, he’d spoken to the duty psychiatrist; we have to go to the GP and ask him to ‘escalate’ LB to the psychiatrist.

I’m putting it out there now, the support and services for young learning disabled people in Oxfordshire is worst than crap-shite. Unacceptable. Please feel free to pass this link on to anyone in health and social care. Or anyone really. Things HAVE to change. And not just for LB.

*Sue, who has gone about as far beyond the call of duty as you can with LB, including getting in contact with mermaids around the world and sitting around in a stinking, freezing cold workshop every Wednesday, while LB does mechanic training.

Choice and autonomy my arse

Posted on March 2, 2013 by sarasiobhan

At the moment our lives are becoming increasingly ~~[hahahaha]~~ complicated as LB has become very anxious and distressed. We’re in a big old hot pot, dealing with support and services underpinned [big fanfare] by the gov’s personalisation agenda. Key principles; Choice and autonomy.

Well this sounds like the baby. Choice and autonomy.. lovely, lovely, lovely. Let’s have a little looky at how this is shaping up eight weeks on;

Social Services. After a complete meltdown that resulted in LB out of school for a couple of weeks, the Care Manager acted instantly to organise a wedge of emergency direct payments for us to buy care. Good. We can choose what type of emergency support we want. Unfortunately, the kind of people who may be willing and able to hang out with a 6ft tall, young man who may, or may not become aggressive, are not that much in supply (and hugely in demand). So in practice, not so good. The alternative is the Respite Centre with the snooker table. Complete fail. CM also offered to organise a round table meeting. Good. And, after a particularly alarming incident (Episode A), has given me an emergency number to call. Good. Unfortunately, if we call that number we are opening a window for LB to potentially be sectioned. ‘Mmm. Well I’m sure they will do what’s best for him in that situation‘…I hear you think. Not really. ‘What’s best for him’ relies on what’s best for him being available. Not a mental health unit over a hundred miles away in Norwich where two of his class mates have spent months. There is no in-county support for young learning disabled people. That is a complete fail.

Health. The GP instantly prescribed anti-depressants over the phone without hesistation. Good (in the sense he took our concerns seriously, not that LB is now on more medication). After LB mumbled something about suicide near some professional type person, he was whizzled into a same day appointment with a psychiatrist. Good. (Well a bit weird that the concerns we have are largely ignored but one word gets instant attention). The psychiatrist asking LB if he felt suicidal was a complete fail. Never, ever put ideas into that boy’s head like that. She then, after a telephone appointment 6 weeks later, discharged him. Not so good. ‘Why are you discharging him?????’ I asked, seconds after I’d told her about Episode A. ‘He was referred to me because of the concern about suicide, now that is no longer a concern, the psychologist will help him to manage his anxiety.’ Not so good [and given our experience with psychologists over the years (star charts anyone?) suspect this detour will be a complete fail].

So what are we left with? Money to pay for care. No care to buy. And no one doing anything to help LB become less anxious.

Choice and autonomy? Feels a teeny bit flaky to me. Can we have some action?

The outing

Posted on February 21, 2013 by sarasiobhan

Today was a funny day. I went to Bristol to meet two women I’d ‘met’ through Twitter, Alexa and Kate, to visit a social enterprise scheme called Props. It was hilarious meeting people through Twitter. Eh, who? What? Where?

I chuckled as I walked through the ticket barrier at Bristol Temple Meads, wondering whether I’d actually meet them. Especially as I had in mind we were meeting at Bristol Parkway which is so much smaller. But there they were. Freezing and big smiles. Kind of recognisable through avatars and the odd tweeted photo.

By the time we were sort of (but not really) lost looking for the Props base somewhere in Bristol, I felt I’d known them both for years. We laughed. And connected tweet snippets from past months with shortcuts forged by the experience of having less than straightforward kids. Loveliness.

But the outing was about Props. And Dave and his crew delivered. Big time. Basically it’s a space for disabled young people to learn, work and flourish. As part of the community with a strong commercial focus. We hung out with Matthew and Jethro. Matthew was hugely impressive. He worked his socks off in an understated way. Making drinks, tidying up, keeping an eye on Jethro’s work, and demonstrating a sophisticated engagement with the tasks involved in print room work. Jethro added the comedic dimension to the visit, with hilarious one-liners and an easy engagement with everyone that I would love a dose of. They both shone.

And made us some great t-shirts.

Wowsers, I hear you say. Social services must be chucking money at this organisation.

Of course they ain’t.

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