The glasses and the toilet bend

My eyesight has got much worse over the past couple of years. I’ve gone from wearing glasses to watch tv, to wearing glasses to stop banging into things.  I take em off every night and leave them on top of the toilet.  One Sunday morning I got up early, did my biz and flushed the toilet. My dressing gown sleeve caught my glasses just at that point and whizzled them down the toilet.

“AAARRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!”, I screamed in horror… “Whassup?” said a sleepy Richy Rich… “I flushed my glasses down the toilet..” I gibbered.    

To provide a bit of context here, the downstairs lavvy is in an extension in what used to be the garage, and the drain is outside in the front drive bit (near where the couple and the baby sat).  We have had a few drain/sewage related episodes related to Laughing Boy so this wasn’t totally new territory (as the photo from 2007 illustrates)…

Richy Rich dressed to clear

Straightaway Richy Rich got up, dressed, (not in the CSI kit this time) and headed outside saying “Ok, we’ll find them. Now, wait till I say flush and then FLUSH!”.

I stood by the toilet listening out for him. “FLUSH!” he shouted, doubled over the drain hole with a big stick. I flushed and then legged it outside to see what was going on. There was a lot of swooshing, some terrible smells and a lot of stick action. “FLUSH!” he shouted again, and I ran inside to flush again.  I went back outside but the scene, sounds and smell was a bit too overpowering.  “FLUSH!”, he shouted. I ran back in and stayed inside, by the toilet, listening out for instruction.  The ‘flush’ shouts continued regularly, each time with a bit more frustration.

As I stood there I started to pay attention to the design of the toilet.  Now I ain’t a scientist but I began to reflect on whether the glasses could have disappeared so instantly down the toilet.  Wouldn’t there have been a bit of a backsurge, like on Jaws?  At least some sort of re-emergence of the glasses before they disappeared from view…

“FLUSH!” shouted Richy Rich.  I flushed again and slowly, very slowly, bent down to look around the bend of the toilet.  There, perfectly positioned on the floor underneath the toilet bend were my glasses…

“FLUSH!” shouted Richy Rich… My mind raced.. should I chuck the glasses down the toilet and run outside to help him catch them? But imagine if we couldn’t? I wouldn’t be able to leave the house for the forseeable future…

I stood holding the glasses and heard the familiar shout. I walked slowly out of the house holding them outstretched in my hand.. “Hey Richy! You won’t believe it! Look what I found! I’ll go and put the kettle on…”

Credits: Thanks to Abbey for reminding me of this story..

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