The Club of the Lesser Valued

I’ve been thinking about ‘diagnosis’ a lot recently (see here for reflections on LB’s diagnosis) and, in particular, the process by which parents are given their children’s diagnosis of some form of impairment when the impairment ain’t obvious. This is partly because of a project I was tangentially involved with which explored the experiences of mothers of children with cerebral palsy.  One of the main findings of that study was that participants were angry and upset when they found out that the diagnosis of CP was discussed among medical professionals several months (or longer) before it was disclosed to them.

In discussion, the paediatrician on the research team said that diagnosis was probably delayed because CP can be difficult to diagnose and health profs didn’t want to unnecessarily alarm those parents of children who turned out not to have CP. Apparently around 20% of children, in her experience, would turn out not to have CP after presenting some possible symptoms.

Now, I ain’t no scientist, but I couldn’t help thinking that this meant that the feelings of 80% of parents were being sidelined in favour of the 20% of parents who, presumably, would be pretty chuffed to bits that their children didn’t have CP after all*. I couldn’t understand why the emphasis was on not upsetting the smaller number of parents.

I got to thinking that maybe it was to protect the health profession against some form of legal action for mis-diagnosis, but this doesn’t really hold as an explanation.  Paediatricians don’t have to authoritatively diagnose children at that early stage, but could, instead, suggest that one of the conditions they want to rule out is CP. Emphasising that this is a very tentative ‘could be’ at this stage.

An email exchange with fellow twitteree, @lizith, a PhD student, involved speculation that health professionals may feel a need to protect some parents from a diagnosis.  Some parents may not ready to accept a diagnosis. This argument has always struck me as a form of paternalism and doesn’t have much substance based on the accounts of parents I’ve interviewed in the past who have largely been very keen to know.

So I can only conclude that this focus on the feelings of the minority is a reflection of broader responses to disability and impairment. The 80% of parents of children with CP have joined a new club.  The Club of the Lesser Valued.  The complexity, depth and reach of the negativity associated with membership of this club continues to surprise and depress me.

*I can remember before LB was diagnosed, but once the health visitor had identified serious concerns with his development, I was told to take him to an interaction type group called something like Learn to Play. There were about six kids at the weekly group and a pre-school teacher counsellor. I think we were all in a pre-diagnosis liminal state, so the atmosphere was pretty weird.  Apart from one little dude, Elliot, the kids tended to do their own thing.  The parents sat awkwardly talking about anything other than what we were doing there. One week, Elliot’s dad turned up with a bag from the Early Learning Centre. At the end of the session, he gave each child a little wooden Brio train.It turned out that Elliot had been released back into the mainstream and wouldn’t be returning to the group. Still makes me feel weepy, remembering that moment. Suspect Elliot’s parents don’t give it an awful lot of thought.   

Karaoke-gate

Cripes. I didn’t anticipate this blog would become overtly political or polemic. Sorry. Though maybe it was just a matter of time. I’ll create a new category so fun-loving, chilled readers have the option of ignoring these more confrontational, thornier, issues.

So, what’s the story? Well, here’s the Daily Mail, and Guardian blog version of what happened this week. To summarise, three guys with learning disabilities were refused the opportunity of taking part in a karaoke evening in their local pub because one of them in particular, James, ‘shouted instead of singing’.  They had taken part in karaoke evenings for six months before the landlord changed and their involvement was blocked.  The new landlord sticks by his story that  his decision to exclude their participation relates to their (in)ability to sing, rather than their (dis)ability. Continue reading

(More) tales of the unexpected

Wow. I am reeling. Seriously in shock.

We’ve seen LB onto his school bus (which is now a car) for years and years and years. I’ve lost any inhibitions about being seen in public (and we live on a very public street) in pyjamas, daggy dressing gowns, frightwig hairhead as I’ve waved him off. And he’s never once waved back.

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The T word

I’m seriously starting to hate the T word. Trans-fucking-ition. Professionals (teachers, social workers, clinicians) drip it into conversations with big nods and concerned faces.

“We need to talk about transition,” they say, before disappearing out the door.
“How old is LB now? Mmmm…
nearly in transition then.”
“I’ll make an appointment around seven months before his 18th birthday, so we can really start to discuss transition. But you should be thinking about it now.”

OK. I’m thinking. Think think thinkety think.  Er. I’m struggling a bit here. What am I actually supposed to be thinking about?

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The big ‘got’ question

Oh dear. I suspect this is where my whimsical, cheerful little blog may get a teensy bit controversial (again).  I’ll try and find a nice, fluffy photo for the end to soothe any tensions raised. So the question is; can you ask a disabled person “What have you got?” Someone I know was asked this question the other day.  “EEEEK” “Shit! That’s outrageous!” “WTF??????” Were the sort of responses from other people when they heard (with a bit of swear embellishment). The question asker was an adult.

I’ve been thinking about this and am a bit undecided.  Well I sort of do know what I think, but I know what I think flies in the face of a lot of thinking, conceptualising and theorising about disability.

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Laughing boy; agency, space and presents

I got to thinking tonight about LB’s agency.  I suppose this is because the work I’m doing at the moment is looking at the inclusion of people with learning difficulties in research. As usual, the research doesn’t bear an awful lot of resemblance to the experiences of people I know (including LB).

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The carer’s assessment

Real time blogging these days. Freshly hatched happenings.  The carer’s assessment which took place this morning. My first ever carer’s assessment – shame on you social services – after 13/14 years of social/health care dealings.

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The cone of shame

Today I’m wearing the cone of shame. And it’s only 10.15am.

The direct payments police came round to ‘help’ me with my returns.

Now what does this mean? Direct payments? Returns? This… for those of you who are not familiar with this area, is about our CARE PACKAGE.  LB gets funding to cover the combination of services he is assessed to need.  So we get this funding in a dedicated bank account, use it to pay for someone to look after LB, and have to fill in forms accounting for what is spent, the interest earned and so on.

This is the bit I’ve failed on.

And this is why I’ve spent the last hour sitting at the kitchen table while some man in a suit has filled in the forms for me, while glaring LOSER at me every few seconds.  After highlighting the bits I have to sign with an enormous yellow highlighter pen AND a big biro cross, we are done.

“Oh, just one more thing Sarasiobhan, you loser”, he said. “You need to take out employer liability insurance. It’s £99 a year”.  Another form. Another swipe with the highlighter pen AND a big biro cross.

It’s over.

I walk him to the door.  “You do realise our care package is for four hours care a month?”

“Yes,” he replied.

“That is £40 a month.”

“Yes,” he said, and walked over to his car.

“Ok”.

I shut the door and go to file the paperwork neatly.

Postscript: I made that last sentence up.

Tears (and disabled children)

One thing that seriously naffs me off, is when people talk about parents of disabled children experiencing bereavement.  I think it’s careless, pat, unreflective and unhelpful.  Some may, of course. Fair enough. But I suspect an awful lot don’t.

I think the everyday rules and sense of order, predictability and certainty disappear when you find out you’ve landed a speshy.  These rules/order revolve around ‘mainstream’ lives, not the lives of families with eel children.  And I think there is a sadness. A deep sadness, that is made up of all sorts of different things. Anyway, this got me thinking about tears and how much I’ve cried since LB was born.

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The processes that stifle

Sometimes I crave spontaneity when negotiating social life with a crazy dude like Laughing Boy.  Sadly, the experience is usually drenched in daft rules and unhelpful bureaucracy, especially when it is to do with health, social care and education.

Take one example. I asked for a referral to an endocrinologist because I wanted to ask some questions about the chromosome disorder LB had been diagnosed with many moons ago.

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