“Come on LB! Hurry up or we’ll miss it!”
“I hate the torch relay Mum. I HATE it!”
“I HATE THE TORCH RELAY! I HATE THE TORCH RELAY!”
“Look, I think it’s coming along St Clements already…”
“Why are you doing this to me Mum? I.HATE.THE.TORCH.RELAY.”
“There – look! Can you see it? Above all those people? Look up there..”
“I hate it Mum.”
“Ok. It’s gone. Home now.”
“Thank you Mum. Can I go back on Youtube Mum?”
“Morning LB! How you doing?”
“Good Mum. Very good, Mum.”
“Cool. What did you do last night when I was out?”
“Went to bed Mum. I was tired Mum. I was sooo knackered Mum.”
“Wow! What time was that?”
“Did you sleep OK?”
“Yes Mum. After all the girls left.”
“The girls, eh? That’s good. What do you want to do today?”
“Bit of youtube Mum. Bit of DJing.”
“What would you have done before youtube was invented I wonder…”
“Well youtube’s only been around for about five years.”
“Dunno Mum. Be sociable Mum. Talk to people Mum.”
“What sort of people?”
“You Mum. Is Stan fat Mum?”
LB was in his favourite place this morning. Sitting at the kitchen table, watching lorries rolling on and off cross channel ferries on youtube. A cacophony of relentless grinding metal, reverse beeping lights, blaring horns and revving engines.
“Christ LB. That’s just noise,” said Richy, making a cup of tea.
“IT’S NOT JUST NOISE RICHY!!!,” shouted LB, angrily. “It is NOT.JUST.NOISE.”
Richy left the kitchen, leaving LB mournfully talking to himself, and shaking his head.
“It is not just noise. It is not just noise. It is not just noise.”
“Mum, it is not just noise, Mum,” he said, looking at me sadly.
“Well it is really,” I said, as another lorry started to slowly reverse.
“Well what it is then?”
“It’s a way of life, Mum.”
LB made a youtube film last week. A film about the Canterbury Park and Ride bus. He chose the photos he wanted to use, the words, the music and the title slides. I put it together for him. On Sunday night he came back from his dad’s pretty agitated. The film (56 seconds) wasn’t long enough and he wanted it to have two buses.
“Ok,” I said, “we’ll make a longer version when you get back from after school club tomorrow.”
Rosie “I’m not going to spend my entire life reading your blog, Mum” got her A-level results this morning. 3A*’s.
I am so fucking proud of her. Only LB and I were home when she went off to school to collect them. I dragged him away from youtube for 20 seconds to say good luck to her.
Mutter mutter. “Good luck, Rosie”. Mutter mutter.
“What results is she going to get, LB?”
Mutter mutter. “Maths, Mum”. Mutter mutter.
After she called with the results, I had a little weep, called Richy and then told LB how well his sister had done.
“Mum,” he replied, through gritted teeth, “I am telling you I am not stressed and the psychologist did not ban me from using youtube. He is criminally insane.”
Well this ain’t about you LB. It’s about Rosie. Good for you, girl. You deserve it.
We expected a BT engineer this afternoon as our phone and internet is broken. This had particular significance for Laughing boy because of his love of watching Eddie Stobart lorries, bus and cross channel ferry videos on youtube. I felt like shite and spent the day in bed but at 1pm LB came in and asked what time the engineer was coming. “Ah”, I replied, “Anytime now. They said between 1 and 6pm, so any minute now”. “Any minute now mum?” repeated LB, bouncing off happily.